How to feel more whole
I’ve been in the pursuit of happiness for about 6 years now. I’ve followed all sorts of different paths, done a LOT of wacky activities in this old blog I used to write about it, and read many a book on the topic. But it’s really only pretty recently that I’ve discovered that the happiest people aren’t the ones who are happy all the time, nope, they are the ones who show up most ‘whole’ in all different aspects of their lives.
Say what now? OK so... think about yourself in all the different areas of your life.
Are you the same person when you’re at work, in a relationship or with different friendship groups? I’m not talking about a level of professionalism (it’s totally fine to not have your mouth in the gutter at work while relishing making people blush with your innuendo puns down the pub). I mean, are you being true to yourself and shining your light brightly wherever and with whoever you're with? Or are you suppressing yourself?
Not sure? Ask yourself when you feel happiest and when you feel a bit lower. That'll be a clue.
you are whole, just as you, right now. You don’t need fixing, you don’t even need to learn anything. You are whole. You just have to believe it.
Despite having all that we need within us, so many of us are trying to find happiness from external factors. We try to change ourselves to fit in and desperately try to change our bodies to look as think they 'should'. We're looking for likes on social media, attention seeking at parties, being needy in relationships, over-committing at work, trying to find love in the swipe of an app and people pleasing to the point of losing ourselves.
But the more we looks for happiness in external things, the more we tell ourselves we’re not good enough. We give away our power and the ability to be whole.
Time to accept that you are pretty fucking badass as you are. In fact, you are perfect in your awesomeness.
Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has this advice,
“Realize you already have everything you need to be whole — you just need to let go of the insecurities, and realize how awesome you already are. You don’t need improvement — you need to realize that the awesomeness is already there.When worries about whether you’re good enough crop up, recognize them, let them go. When worries about whether the other person loves you crop up, recognize them, let them go. Recognize the fears and worries, and let them go. Relax into this new space of being OK with yourself, being happy on your own, knowing things will always be OK.”
We must learn to connect more to our true self. This will increase the feeling of ‘wholeness’ and increase our understanding that we are more than OK just as we are.
Once you're got this down, the need to look for external validation will decrease, and you're free to be yourself in every aspect of your life.
If you feel that people won’t accept you, then bae, they ain’t yo’ people!
So ask yourself, where do you feel more whole and where do you feel you’re not quite there yet? Observe and ask yourself what you can do to act more yourself in this area.
The more whole we are all the time, the happier we can be.