How to feel more whole
I’ve been in the pursuit of happiness over the last 7 years. I’ve followed all sorts of different paths, done a LOT of wacky activities in this old blog I used to write about it, and read many a book on the topic.
But it’s only in the last year that I discovered that the happiest people aren’t the ones who are happy all the time (I mean, impossible but you know what I mean) Nope, the happiest people are the ones who show up most ‘whole’ in all different aspects of their lives.
Say what now? OK, think about yourself in all the different areas of your life.
Are you the same person when you’re at work, in a relationship or with different friendship groups? I’m not talking about a level of professionalism (it’s totally fine to not have your mouth in the gutter at work while relishing making people blush with your innuendo puns down the pub). I mean, are you being true to yourself. Do you shining your light brightly wherever and with whoever you're with? Or are you suppressing your personality or perhaps you’re being ‘extra’ to cover up your insecurities?
Not sure? Ask yourself when you feel happiest and when you feel a bit lower. That'll be a clue.
You are whole, just as you, right now. You don’t need fixing, you don’t even need to learn anything. You are whole. You just have to believe it.
Despite having all that we need within us, so many of us are trying to find happiness from external factors. We try to change ourselves to fit in and desperately try to change our bodies to look as we think they 'should'. We look for likes on social media, seek attention at parties, be needy in relationships, over-commit at work, try to find love in the swipe of an app and people please to the point of losing ourselves.
However, the more we looks for happiness in external things, the more we tell ourselves we’re not good enough. When we do this, we give away our power and the ability to see ourselves as whole.
Time to accept that you are pretty fucking badass as you are.
Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has this advice,
“Realize you already have everything you need to be whole — you just need to let go of the insecurities, and realize how awesome you already are. You don’t need improvement — you need to realize that the awesomeness is already there.When worries about whether you’re good enough crop up, recognize them, let them go. When worries about whether the other person loves you crop up, recognize them, let them go. Recognize the fears and worries, and let them go. Relax into this new space of being OK with yourself, being happy on your own, knowing things will always be OK.”
We must learn to connect more to our true self - but how the fuck do we do that?
Ask yourself where do you feel more whole and where do you feel you’re not quite there yet? Write out a list of behaviours that you want to have MORE of and the ones that you could really do without.
Realise that the behaviours you’re not down with can be let go as you make conscious effort to be more yourself in all aspects of your life.
The more you actively step into the realisation that you have all that you need to be accepted, just as you are, the less you’l need to look for external validation.
If you feel that people won’t accept you, then bae, they ain’t yo’ people!
The more whole we’ll be, the happier we’ll be.