Count moments not steps
Trigger warning: this post talks about death and loss. Feel free to move on if that’s going to be upsetting
There are a few things I’ve learned about life this year - things I thought I knew before but now I really know. See this year will be a pretty big one for me. In the 12 months from January 2018 to January 2019 everything in my life (well, 99% of things) will be different. I’m about to move out of London after 7 years. In the time I’ve been here I’ve made countless friends, had 5 jobs, lived in 3 flats and despite saying I’ll be single for at least a year when I first moved, met the boy I would married within the first 6 months of being here and married him (not in the same year).
Truthfully, the first two years of being a Londoner, I hated it. London was too busy, too big, too noisy, too expensive and the people are rude. Now, London is still all those things but I love it. So why am I leaving?
Well, in March my Dad died from early onset Alzheimer's which he tragically probably got in his late 50s. I feel incredibly lucky that my tribe of a family were able to look after him in his final week at home, in his own bed.
But I’ll tell you what, loss truly gives you new different perspective on life.
You think you know how precious life is and how you must take every moment to appreciate it, but until you experience death of a parent or a close loved one I’m not sure it really sinks in. At least, it definitely didn’t for me and I’d been writing gratitude lists for years.
While I’ve heard that losing someone can make you feel like nothing matters in the world. For me, it made me realise how EVERYTHING matters. There is no time to waste. You have to do everything you can to be happy because you really, really never know what can happen.
The other thing I learned from this experience is that this body that we’re all so hung up on - it is so, so just the shell we live in for a while.
As I watched my Dad slip away at each stage of the palliative care, it became so clear to me how much we are not our bodies (kinda morbid but true, sorrynotsorry.)
We spend hours that make up literally days of our lives, worrying about what we look like. We agonise about the size of our boobs, cellulite on our thighs, rolls on our tummies and wrinkles that gather round our eyes. Why?! These things do not matter.
Boobs are great regardless of how symmetrical they are, cellulite will not kill you, tummy rolls say that you’ve eaten for pleasure and wrinkles around eyes show that you’re lucky enough to have smiled and laughed your way through life.
It is not my intention to bring you down with this post. Quite the opposite in fact I hope.
I don’t want anyone to waste their life worrying about the shape of their body when the likelihood is, your body is just fucking great as it is.
What about if just being fit enough to catch the bus or open that jar (or if needed, drag someone from a burning building) was enough? Instead of the pursuit of ‘abs’ and a thigh gap and the feeling that you have to punish yourself all the time.
Even if you’re fatter than you would like or not as healthy as you think you should be, the thing we often forget about our bodies is the fact that it’s doing the best it can for you. So let’s show a little bit more compassion, a little less fight and appreciate how much it does just hanging on in there. Because, when it goes, it’s all too fucking sad ok.
Let’s work towards feeling more well and happy however you can - rather than berating yourself for not measuring up all the time.
We cannot hang around waiting to live our lives ‘when…’
This is what diets sell you, a mythical point in the future when you feel you’ll be happy in your body enough to start living e.g. I’ll go travelling when I’ve lost 2 stone. I’ll have sex with the light on when I’ve get rid of belly. I’ll get my legs out in the sunshine when they’re thin.
NO! Do it now!
So please, this week, wear the stripes, eat dessert, put your whole body in the sea instead of just your toes and laugh more with the intention of adding to the winkles. Count orgasms not steps, track moments of joy not macros and let your PB be about adventure. The stakes are too high not to. Even if it’s only a baby step towards your dreams, take it.
And yup, I’m leaving London and all it’s messy, glory because I’m ready for a pace change. I’m ready to live in a city where I can walk to my friends houses, maybe have a dog. And all my dreams will come true if I can maybe have a staircase of my own. Haha.
So Bristol, here we come! I’ll still be in London a lot but it’s time for a new adventure and I can’t wait to share it with you. And if you live in the South West email me and say hi!
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