Why feeling lost in a good thing
This week I had a big conversation with one of my clients are feeling... lost. You know that feeling right? The one where you feel like you’re treading water and going nowhere. Then wondering if you’re even travelling in the right direction. Yup, one of those moments.
But I've been there before and I've come to realise that these moments of feeling alone or lost can actually be a good thing. If you look at it another way, when we’re feeling lost it creates space to hear what we actually want out of life - and to lean in to what your gut is telling you.
It gives us time and space to get honest with ourselves and work out what's really making us feel this way. (Ooph I know, I know getting honest sucks but it's important, so stay with me.)
Take a moment, what’s happening to trigger these feelings? Is it that you’re in a job you hate? Is it bad relationships? Or is it something at home? Are you getting enough time to be creative and express yourself? What’s making you sad, lost, feel shitty? Why? Are you surrounding yourself with people who make you feel bad. Ugh.
Time to get real. Spend as long as you need writing it all down. The good, the bad and the ugly. Do whatever you need to do to rate your life. I get my clients to talk in how much joy things are bringing them out of 5, but you might want to just simply make a list.
Now let’s flip that badboy!
Think about it. When we're feeling alone we're free. There's no one to impress apart from yo'self, this is great news!
In times like this, it's an awesome moment to set ourselves free from fitting into any sort of mould that isn’t making us happy. FUCK FITTING IN!
Honestly, it’s better to work out now that you’re not where you’re meant to be than continue to pretend. Sometimes, fake it till you make it, isn’t the way to go.
These feelings might hurt at the time but channeled correctly they're a compass to tell us what direction we want to go in. And with practice we can become fearless in getting where we want to go.
Belonging is something that is critical to our happiness. As Brene Brown tells us,
“Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in… is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are”
I know that I’m pretty flamboyant. In fact I had a girl only yesterday give me the most deprecating look at a bus stop - she was actually brazen in her disdain, it was outrageous. She literally looked me up and down and scowled. But fuck her! Wearing gold Reebok classics with my powder blue 1950s skirt and peach dyed hair makes me happy.
It’s taken me a long time to fully accept who I am and I honestly laughed at her reaction to me. I am happy ‘fitting OUT’.
No one should trade in their authenticity for acceptance.
OK so you've worked out what the problem is, what can you do about it? Let these feelings your map for moving towards where you actually want to be.
Make a promise that you will prioritise yourself enough to stop fitting in and start creating a life you feel you belong in.
Here’s how to power play feeling lost:
- COMPASS: Sit down and write down everything you’re feeling - the good, the bad and the ugly.
- MAP: Work out where it is you want to go. Then write down where you actually want to be - go wild.
- ACTION: This step is the most important. Show up every day and do something that moves you towards that version of yourself you want to be. Yes, it’s hard work but it’s worth it right?
So how are you showing up today?
In life we’re always moving so it’s totally fine to have to do this exercise MULTIPLE times. As soon as you feel lost again, reassess your compass.
No one wants to feel alone, it’s a shitty feeling - but if we can sit long enough with the feeling it can be a powerful motivator for change.
Love Harri Rose x
For more on Brene Brown check out her website